x - 0011 [Jump the Shark]

[call_me_spooky]

Okay. That whole David Duchovny thing? Disregard it. Never heard of him. Never met him. Not him. Yes, I know, look like him, I really don't want to hear it because it's pretty damn creepy.

But what the hell is going on today? People are shouting about aliens and invasions and, uh, what?

Seriously, guys, what's going on today?

[ooc: His fourth wall is flimsy anyway so do whatcha like! BONUS POINTS FOR TEACUP PICTURES. If anything is questionable to his sanity his memory will be fuzzy on the morrow so have at 'im <3 tags will be slow til this afternoon, sorry! ilu poly.]

Comments

[factosintolrant.livejournal.com]

AHA! But then how do you explain all the weirdos roaming the streets, calling this place "The City"? It's not Gay Pride Week in New York City yet!

...unless...no! Don't tell me I've been abducted by renegade members of the Gay Mafia and taken to their Gay Commune to become their Republican sex slave! WHY ME? WHY NOT TED HAGGARD? He actually LIKES that sort of thing!

[hardgay-hoo.livejournal.com]

HEY HEY HEY!! OKAAAAAAAY!

You should calm down, sir! Everything here is a-o-kay, HOOOOOOOOOO~

1/2

[factosintolrant.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD, IT'S HARD GAY! JAPAN'S NUMBER ONE LEATHER BONDAGE SERIAL HUMPER SUPER STAR!

2/2

[factosintolrant.livejournal.com]

I mean, DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN, YOU -- YOU... are there small children in the area? I don't want to violate innocent ears...

[hardgay-hoo.livejournal.com]

OHHHHHHHHHH~

Ha~rd G~ay sees your joy inside!!

Thrust your hips as Hard Gay does! Very relaxing, HOOOOOOOOOOOO~

[factosintolrant.livejournal.com]

I don't do hip thrusting.

[hardgay-hoo.livejournal.com]

Ahhhh, you want to, you want to!!

HARD GAY KNOWS~!! Repressed inner self yearns for freedom!

[Okay, um, Hard Gay is thrusting his hips a lot now. Also, La Vida Loca is playing somewhere. (Hoo.)]

[factosintolrant.livejournal.com]

No! No, repressed inner self does NOT yearn for freedom! Repressed inner self is not Iraq! THERE IS NO OIL IN MY INNER SOUL!

[hardgay-hoo.livejournal.com]

HEY HEY, OKAY OKAAAAAAY~

Time for my super ult~i~mate secret weapon!

HARD GAY HEART TO HEART!!!

Tell Hard Gay how you feel.

[factosintolrant.livejournal.com]

I feel...like I'm finally a real Republican, with my very own burgeoning gay sex scandel!

[call_me_spooky]

...Wow. Repressed sexuality much, there?

[factosintolrant.livejournal.com]

It's my moral obligation. If you let your sexuality think it's a real person with real feelings and real rights, pandemonium will ensue. And while I don't know what pandemonium is, it sounds terrible.

[call_me_spooky]

...buddy, you need to get laid.

I think that guy might be willing to help you out. Just saying.

[factosintolrant.livejournal.com]

Hey, hey, listen! When I need to "get laid," as you so crudely put it, I go to my wife. And when she turns me down, I go to an airport bathroom, do the secret signal, and get a completely heterosexual gay blowjob. Don't you tell me how to handle my sex life.

[call_me_spooky]

...Wow.

Believe me, I won't. I don't want to be anywhere near your sex-life or whatever interesting diseases you've picked up in that airport bathroom.

Who the hell are you, anyway?

[factosintolrant.livejournal.com]

I am America, and So Can You.

Stephen Colbert. That's actually my book, but it sums me up pretty well.

[call_me_spooky]

...that makes no sense!

[ooc: i can't stop laughing!]

[factosintolrant.livejournal.com]

Sense? Why would it make sense? Who do you think I am, some kind of truth-teller? I'm a Republican political pundit! They'd kick me out of the club if anything I said actually made sense.

[call_me_spooky]

Oooh, so you're just an empty-headed tool of the conspiracy?

[factosintolrant.livejournal.com]

...duh.